seasons

2:00pm. i saw a dead body today. laying quietly in her bed as if she were about to wake up at any second. she passed away after months of battling cancer. i wondered if she had fought for life or gave in peacefully in those last moments. the feelings associated with seeing her body lay there without a spirit stirring forced a rush of other feelings. it made me think about my own loved ones and served as an eerie yet stern reminder to take hold of life and loved ones now. so cliche. yet as i stared at the form of her fragile body through the sheet, i quickly blinked my tears away before they formed. i looked to comfort the family members there instead of dwelling too much on myself.

12:30pm. i smiled while witnessing the youth pastor play with his 1-year-old-son. we were enjoying the quiet after the morning services. the little one is a miniature replica of his father with blonde hair and strikingly gray eyes. i felt the tears well up wondering in amazement at the love being played out before my eyes. in the son's trusting smile, i wondered how proud the father must have felt. what love. i quickly looked away before the tears gave way.

10:00am. i looked at the kids i meet regularly on sundays. 6th-12th graders. many coming from broken homes. wondered at how their outlook on life was affected. how they viewed God. how they viewed themselves. alot of pain and scars seep through in our conversations. the tears began welling up again. this time, i'm letting them fall because i don't know what else to do.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

i don't live in a war zone. i don't deal with physcial hardships where i live. but i don't know why i'm so emotional lately. perhaps it comes with age? i feel like i've tuned into a radio frequency of tears. when did i get so sensitive? my thoughts are all mixed up right now. i wish i could process these things before i leave for las vegas tomorrow on a work-related trip. i wonder what havoc vegas will wreak on me. not sure how to take this all in right now.

Father, help.